Writing, I conclude, must be because I am too shy to say what I want to people’s faces so I just write this stuff down and sit on it. Publishing bits in a blog sort of puts it out there with no real guarantee that anyone is going to actually see the stuff, which soothes my shy side a bit and yet someone may still see it. This is okay with me, though, because I have found that writing no matter how great or small is still very therapeutic and I definitely need some therapy both physical and mental.
I haven’t published in a week or so, for one because I got kind of depressed, which happens a bit (hence the need for therapy) and the other reason is that I just take on way too much stuff at one time. My mind thinks that I am super human when my body in all actuality is in the worst shape in my entire life.
I am battling the daily aches and pains brought on by my body attacking itself (Systemic Lupus Erythematosus) along with malnutrition from years of gluten intolerance and dead intestinal cilia. This little fact is the tragic consequence that recently got me on a gluten-free diet, that and the real chance that I could eventually need a colostomy bag (Thanks Laura for that mental picture). My husband, once learning about the colostomy bag said “Hello, meet my wife, oh that smell?…don’t worry that is just her colostomy bag because she couldn’t stop eating bread.” After that little comment I was determined to give up all my favorite things. I really love him so I wouldn’t want him to have to have sex with a colostomy bag.
So, I am slowly nursing my body back to health and yet can’t stop thinking that I am worthless and need to take on yet another task to show that I am a capable human being. I think this mostly stems from my mom always telling me and my siblings that we were ungrateful children and couldn’t half-tail do anything (she didn’t curse).
I promise to try to post on here every few days, but between my health, volunteering, art, and children it may be more like weekly, which isn’t too bad since every other blogger post just about every day and between work and whatever ever else you do who has the time to read that many blogs every day? I can’t keep up with the ones that I like. I don’t even check my facebook that much. I’m not really sure how anybody works who can keep all those virtual things like tumblr and tweeting updated, maybe I should reinstate my android, but that just adds to ill health and I am trying to make myself better, so I back down.