Blogging to continue or contain the insanity…

Can you grow another pair of eyes? or hands? or completely clone youself?

Writing, I conclude, must be because I am too shy to say what I want to people’s faces so I just write this stuff down and sit on it.  Publishing bits in a blog sort of puts it out there with no real guarantee that anyone is going to actually see the stuff, which soothes my shy side a bit and yet someone may still see it.  This is okay with me, though, because I have found that writing no matter how great or small is still very therapeutic and I definitely need some therapy both physical and mental.

I haven’t published in a week or so, for one because I got kind of depressed, which happens a bit (hence the need for therapy) and the other reason is that I just take on way too much stuff at one time.  My mind thinks that I am super human when my body in all actuality is in the worst shape in my entire life.

I am battling the daily aches and pains brought on by my body attacking itself (Systemic Lupus Erythematosus) along with malnutrition from years of gluten intolerance and dead intestinal cilia.  This little fact is the tragic consequence that recently got me on a gluten-free diet, that and the real chance that I could eventually need a colostomy bag (Thanks Laura for that mental picture).  My husband, once learning about the colostomy bag said “Hello, meet my wife, oh that smell?…don’t worry that is just her colostomy bag because she couldn’t stop eating bread.”  After that little comment I was determined to give up all my favorite things.  I really love him so I wouldn’t want him to have to have sex with a colostomy bag.

So, I am slowly nursing my body back to health and yet can’t stop thinking that I am worthless and need to take on yet another task to show that I am a capable human being.  I think this mostly stems from my mom always telling me and my siblings that we were ungrateful children and couldn’t half-tail do anything (she didn’t curse).

I promise to try to post on here every few days, but between my health, volunteering, art, and children it may be more like weekly, which isn’t too bad since every other blogger post just about every day and between work and whatever ever else you do who has the time to read that many blogs every day?  I can’t keep up with the ones that I like.  I don’t even check my facebook that much.  I’m not really sure how anybody works who can keep all those virtual things like tumblr and tweeting updated, maybe I should reinstate my android, but that just adds to ill health and I am trying to make myself better, so I back down.


3 thoughts on “Blogging to continue or contain the insanity…

  1. I saw your comment on another blog. Just wanted to say I’m sorry you are going through so much pain! Our family has gone gluten and casein free and been doing it for only 3 months. It’s super hard, but we feel better. I don’t have the same issues you do, but my body has taken a toll. It started last summer with pneumonia, then I had a Vit D deficiency which included severe dizziness, rashes, hair loss, and fatigue. Then I got that figured out and then I ended up in the ER because of a bulging disc. Needless to say, its been a sucky last 6 mos, but I shouldn’t complain. I have kids with special needs which is why we went gluten/casein free to begin with, but found its actually helping me in the process too. I think I’m intolerant to casein especially. The one thing I do notice on this diet/way of eating is that I hardly ever get colds anymore. My kids all have gotten sick 2x this winter and I haven’t even gotten anything, knock on wood! Anyway, just wanted to stop by and say hi.

    • Thank you for stopping by and commenting. Yeah, I have had many years of pain and illness only to have finally been diagnosed with Lupus last spring. After learning that a gluten intolerance can cause auto-immune problems I started my gluten free diet. I can already feel a difference but know that it may take a year to even begin to get better and I hope that my body hasn’t received any permanent damage from the years of malnutrition and cortisone shots.

  2. Pingback: Poop Health is No Joking Matter | encompassingchaos

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