The research and theory described in the link below is amazing. I can attest in my opinion to its validity. Maybe not scientifically, but definitely intuitively.
Once I realized that much of the emotions I experienced in crowds was due to an oversensitive system, such as feeling others thoughts and emotions, I have not only greatly improved, but my daughter as well. Once I explained this to her she can actively try to pass over the extra stimuli. This is crucial for school age children.
It is difficult to explain, but there is this sort of understanding of others around you. It is not as if I can read others minds. I do not sense words. I just feel thoughts and emotion. This is especially confusing when their words or actions do not coincide with the way they feel.
These feelings in the past brought about fear in myself. A fear of being manipulated and used. That the other person is hiding their true intentions. This may stem from triggers in childhood. I had a repressive, fearful mother and a domineering father, whom eventually left. My mother had also claimed that she never wanted any of us children, but that she was obligated to care for us. There was never much hugging or affection given.
This can definitely ruin ones sense of self and security. It can breed a suspicious mind.
For a long time, not knowing what I was feeling, I directed all feelings toward myself in a negative manner. As though I were only worthy of the least of human emotions.
For example, if a friend was upset about her mother and angry, I would perceive her angry feelings as though I did something wrong. I most likely would then obsessively try to recall the instance I could have angered her. Upon not finding an infraction, I would immediately try to justify my loyalty and usually retreat from the relationship. I would never know what went wrong, and think the other just simply did not like me.
One can imagine after many attempts and failures to find out why so much hostility was directed towards myself, why I would shut down or become withdrawn.
Now that I see the information I receive as what it is, I am better able to cope. I do not immediately take it internally and directed toward me. It is still always confusing and overwhelming. It is as though I view a situation from the perspective of everyone involved with all of their attached perceptions all at the same time.
I truly do understand where someone is coming from or how they are feeling with no way to express this to them.
Many times I wish the others could feel my thoughts and we could understand and except one another solely on this level. No words needed. I sometimes find myself screaming on the inside, but know one hears.
I have a theory that could possibly help change the way I and others like me interact with the world around us…profound social change and acceptance of metaphysical interactions.
I don’t do well in a world of superficiality. It is not that I am naive and gullible, but that I am capable of a much deeper understanding of situations. I tend to see a bigger picture, and I tend to ignore petty aspects that do not attribute to the whole.
With a rise in autism we may be on the brink of a great leap in human evolution. We are working toward a critical mass.
I hope to one day be accepted as I am. Allowed to fully express myself without the constraints of societal pettiness and contempt.
Please take the time to read the article, it is good for the soul to try out new perspectives once in a while.