A Wandering Soul

A Wandering Soul…

I love to wander.

I love to wander through thoughts which ponder
of experience and understanding
of the many possibilities.

Wander through things that are imaginable
because I have had the ability and seen
and had the ability and did

and wander through things that are unimaginable
that only peek through bits and pieces
small gestures and fragments minutely perceivable

I love to imagine all the multitude of possibilities
and then to know that I still cannot fathom it all…

This understanding pushes me to wandering more
wander through the thoughts of others
not just in present day

but to travel into the past
to experience the lives
to imagine the exasperation
to feel the emotions of times before
yet ever so present

I love wandering through my gratuitous thoughts
things that come freely with experience
many memories of that which I have lived

My thankfulness of the language that humans have created
My gratefulness for the humans whom created the tools which recorded it
…and for the many hours spent and lifetimes used to document and record
so that I may wander this vast universe of possibilities

Thanks be to so many humans
throughout so many ages
influenced by so many cultures and ways of lifetimes
…for the thoughts of which I love to wander.

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One Thing That My Horrible Coaching Experience Did Teach Me

One thing that my coaching experience did teach me.

“Do not let someone to tell you who and what you are not.”

This is an essential lesson learned even without the payment for services.

My coaching experience started with me being wrapped up and flown on a magic carpet ride to an imaginative dream world. A world where I could have all that this world imagines for me. Great abundance and prosperity. Little did I know my idea of abundance (happiness, satisfaction, inner peace) greatly differed from my coaches idea of abundance (money, vacations, and stuff) This seeking of future abundance could almost become an addiction for some. I did what I do best…speculate and create.

I’m good at this. I could sit and imagine all day. I may be addicted to theorizing and postulating, but one day I feel something will come of it. This is because I can’t stop it and I’m not sure if I want to.

A huge bump on my flight to dreamland that brought me out of my daze was when my relationship with my husband was not only questioned by my coach, but I was demonstrably shunned for thinking such a thing about my own experience.

I may not have a clue as to why I am here on this earth, or what exactly I am supposed to be accomplishing in this incarnation, but one thing I do know down to the deepest of my core as a fluid and feeling being in this temporal experience is the facts about my relationship with my husband.

I know what we have and I know where we have come from the beginning. Our relationship is the closest and most profound experience that I have manifested in my reality. We are so deeply intimate that I find it difficult to even describe. We have pushed and prodded one another toward greater awareness of the other as well as into deeper understandings of ourselves. We continue to grow and hope to effect those whose lives we encounter. We have spent many countless hours talking about our deepest fears to our greatest dreams. I know no one closer than he. I am so intricately intertwined into his psyche as he is to mine. Truly I believe deep down that we are one soul on another plane. The completeness that I get from his presence in this life is the one thing that grounds me every time I let my feet lift off into the other-worlds; those worlds of doubt and worry. The desolate places within our minds that hold all the darkest parts of humanity in its tombs. These are the places where our devils and demons are chained and caged for us to view from afar. The places that exist so we may have formality and complacency. Those are the places that many try to ignore and forget. The places that get changed into myth as though they never existed. They are brought outside of our selves and put on display as if we have no order or control over their forces. It is easy for a dreamer to get lost in these deep dark caverns of our psyches. Nicholas is my beacon among the shadows. He brings me back to reality. I could go on and on with my expressions of happiness and gratitude when it comes to the other soul that gives me a sense of completeness, but it will not settle with anyone’s heart unless they too have experienced such a relationship.

I am grateful for the grounding that I receive from my husband, and it was our relationship questioned that brought me again out of my coaching dream state.

It pains me when I mention something about my love to someone and they reply with the totally opposite viewpoint using socially acceptable clichés about relationships. The cliches you see used in TV entertainment. The drama and excitment of discontent. It too is addicting to some. I thankfully do not have this addiction, I think…

During this coaching experience I began learning some things about myself and becoming excited about delving into the waters of my soul, but my coach stopped me mid sentence and told me that was not the case and that I needed to get that idea out of my head. I was immediately taken aback. I was shoved into my past where as a young girl I could be so entranced into my imaginative play and then was dragged out by the screams of my mother about all the wrong I had done.

This is when my expensive carpet ride hit some turbulence. I had opened up too much to a total stranger. I had poured my heart out and cried to this woman, and in an instant she betrayed that trust. I was shown a side of this woman that she had cleverly hidden from me. I had been given a completely wrong impression from the beginning as a cute sales ploy to gain my allegiance as a customer.

I was just another sales call.

I was disheartened.

Every interaction we had after that I was reminded of all the others in my past whom had lied to me about who they truly were; the manipulative and abusive boyfriends, the classmates who sneeringly joked about me, the mother who transformed into a monster, the father who abandoned me, the religion that ostracized me.

I was still healing from these things and so quickly were those wounds ripped open. I had spent the most money ever on myself. I was just emerging from my dark night of the soul on my healing journey when my coach grabbed those chains and drug me back to the filthy pits of transgressors.

I lost all trust again.

I was that little girl hiding back beneath the bed, peeing herself so she didn’t have to face the monster.

I wanted my money back. I wanted to forget about what had happened. I didn’t. I was shot down and too scared to stand up for myself. I stuck through the rest of our time together. I got nauseous and gagged a little when she spent an hour trying to convince me to sign up to her inner circle, for a monthly fee. I knew that I couldn’t use the same deceptive practices to lull some unsuspecting soul into a trap for a few bucks. I could not and would not join a group of women who pride themselves in the closing sales pitch as they flaunt the wealth that comes from their deceitful practice.

I would liken the experience to a new age cult. One is slowly reeled in by promises of multitudes and plenty be it happiness or money. Then once inside the halls they are damned to perpetuate the cycle in order to uphold their end of the deal. If they do not uphold their end… they are dropped from the circle that keeps them alive in whatever they were promised. Either you want it bad enough, or you would rather save your soul.

I sheepishly saved my soul and ran for the nearest exit.

I did gain insight with my coaching experience just like I gained greater insight from the many other relationships I have had as a human on this earth. I fell into the coaching trap for a reason. It may not have manifested what my ego wanted, but it did give me greater wisdom.

All of my experience plays a part in who I have become in this 33 year old body. It all comes down to whether I choose to allow that insight to help me create order within myself or delve into chaos.

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Keshe Gives 10-DAY Notice to ALL Nations of Earth (Oct. 26) – http://wp.me/p2yfNS-6QW

I haven’t looked much into this guy and what he is about, one thing I quickly found out was that no one is talking about it in the mainstream. All I had to do was Google his name and plasma energy and look in news. No news site whatsoever has written about this. Complete silence. Even weirdos and quacks get filler stories written about them. Quacks make for good entertainment, they can be amusing, but not even a crazy quack story. Again…

Complete Silence.

Maybe, just maybe, this guy is for real and the  alternative media community needs to start blasting the airwaves with this information.

Awe Inspiring Artwork is What I Do…

20150504_155926-1-1-1[1]The above is a painting I finally finished. (After showing up for myself) I have been working on it for about 2 years now. This particular piece was my exploration on compromise in relationships.

The idea behind it began with a video I watched of Jennifer Aniston interviewing Portia and Ellen on the Ellen Show.


You will have to watch the clip to get a greater understanding. I love for my outside world to help me question my inner world, and this is one reason I create. I create to explore myself and I have been having an existential crisis in my life for at least the last four years. It has definitely been my dark night of the soul, my journey into the valley of the shadow of death, and my all out saving grace wrapped into one. I am forever grateful for this journey within.
After watching this snippet of the show on the YouTube, I quickly jotted down the premise for the piece of work. I was fascinated by the relationship of these to women and their journey together. I wanted to show how this journey could be used to reflect how we as humans compromise in our lives to bring about acceptance and happiness in our lives.

In the painting I depicted a dilapidated house in the background that is ready to be transmuted into something greater.

House

                                                                            House

hous3

                                                                 House Again

According to the video this is what Ellen likes to do. She likes to explore the beauty of a home and create something greater in the process. Many of us do this in our everyday lives be it working for a corporation or a small mom and pop business. We want to create something greater in our world.

I then placed Ellen and Portia on a path in the woods.

Ellen and Porta path

                                                           Ellen and Portia on the Path

6 Ellen and Portia Path

                                           Ellen and Portia in Shadow on the Path

Path and Ellen2 This represents their journey together and the journey of all humans in existence. One can see within the painting that the light from outside of the woods has lighted the path and helps to define the features within the darkness of the woods. We cannot see this inner world unless we shine some sort of light on it. These two women are experiencing their journeys, albeit differently, together. Ellen is pulling Portia in a wagon. Ellen may be moving from one creative project to another creative project, but she is compromising with Portia by pulling her weight along instead of making her walk beside her. This is a compromise being made to have the fulfillment of a relationship. As long as the weight is not a negative aspect of the relationship, then there should be no reason why this particular choice of compromise should be detrimental to the lives of those involved. I see this as a greater truth that can be seen and accepted by others as well with these two woman as a great example.

Within my exploration of this concept I have added to this picture. When I add things I do so because I feel they are needed. It is not until afterward that I begin to explore their meaning. For instance. I added a small herd of deer. 4 to be exact and all does. I then find our that deer can represent grace, love, generosity, and abundance. I also found that deer symbolizes an inner journey, specifically female deer.

Symbolism

                                                                    Symbolism

Then the number four has very specific meaning.

I have also added
ivy, bluebells, red japanese maple tree, white blooming cherry tree, bridge, stream.

There is probably many more symbols, but you can see how they begin to paint their very own picture within the artwork.

The symbolism seems to just grow from the creative process. These things are never consciously chosen because of what they represent. It is as if the symbols manifest themselves to help me to understand what I am working through as an artist and human. To me is is a connection to the spiritual aspects of my journey, and I love exploring this part after the completion of a piece of work.

The best and worst thing about symbolism is that it can be interpreted however one would like.

I for so long have had an inner world of chaotic stories filled with negative reactions and intense emotions. I have told myself these stories with a chaotic dialogue. Talking about what I felt was going on in just about every situation I had been in. When I entered into a place, I immediately took the seat of inner reflection. Constantly judging my every action, every thought, every emotion, every word spoken aloud. I judged it against my background of perspective that I had of the world around me. I chose how I would interpret my world.

I am coming to the conclusion of my delusion.

I synchronistically was given clarity this morning from this piece of Sufi Rumi wisdom:

Although an imaginary image in this reality does not exist,
see how the world turns by a fantasy that still does persist.
Mankind’s peace and war because of a fantasy are turning…
Mankind’s pride and shame from a fantasy are springing…(Original Link)

I have been battling my internal dilemma, my imaginary image of the world around me. Why do I create something to battle? Why do I create turmoil? I know I create the perspective that I choose to see in the world around me. So why am I creating such a daunting reality?

Why, because I have lived the story that I was told. I have lived with a reality inside my mind that is a reflection of someone’s mind or image of the world.

I recently watched two similar documentaries that were completely different, and it really helped me to perceive this little bit of truth. These were not intentionally watched to seek very different perspectives, we just watched them very close together because the environment and innovation have been on our minds. I was given a good dichotomy that was going to ring true just a few days later, and this is why I was led by the universe to watch them.

For this little piece of Rumi wisdom to be understood the full content of the documentaries does not need to be known.

The first documentary was the Atomic States of America.

The primary objective of the movie was against nuclear power. I can tell you that the story plot heightened and culminated in me feeling horrible about human innovation and that society should be wiped off of the precious mother earth so that she can heal. Of course this is the primary purpose of the movie. It is meant to show the bad, dark, negative side of the atomic age and nuclear power as a whole. I would not be surprised if it was created with funding from the coal industry.
The second documentary Pandora’s Promise.
was also about nuclear power completely but from the opposite viewpoint. It was pro-nuclear power. This documentary heightened and culminated in me feeling overjoyed and excited about human innovation and advancement as a society. I was filled with musings and creativity after watching this movie. I felt positive and wanted to get to work on creating something great!

I definitely wanted to explore more after the second documentary. I do not want to debate morals and who is on the right side of the fence. I do not want to figure out which way is the right way. I only want to think about and explore the side the makes me as a human feel fulfilled and alive.

After watching Atomic States of America my husband and I were brought into for two days an existential crisis. We were ruminating about the tragedy of our lives and the lives of all of mankind. We were trying to figure out what we could do to help reverse the horrible bad things that we as humans have wrought on this earth. This is not a very happy place to be. We want to exist and be happy. We want to love our fellow man and celebrate in his victories. We do not want to exist to tear down and destroy society. Yet we allowed negative thoughts into our inner realities. These thoughts brought about more negative thoughts and more ruminating about sadness and wrong.

I do not want to live like this and neither does my husband. I definitely do not want to raise a family in this hole of a reality. Like we have dug ourselves down into the pits of hell and now we must exist amongst the monsters and death that we have uncovered.

Certainly I get to choose which reality that I want to exist in. I get to pick the side that I want to be on. I see this now. It has been here all along and I just choose not to see it. I get to live in my chosen reality. This is the only reality that I get to experience. Why would I not choose to experience the good positive feelings instead of the negative.

I am reminded of a saying, and I am not sure who said this, but it sits well with this lesson of mine.

“It doesn’t really matter what path one follows. What matters is the way that they follow the path.”

Are you allowing negative thoughts to cloud and darken your reality?

I am brought to the visualization of how the darkness and shadow help to define the light. We cannot have positive with the negative, but we definitely do not have to only live out the negative aspects.

I am reminded of another Rumi insight:

“Now is the time to see the sunlight dancing as one with the shadows.”

I am beginning a new series of portraits today. This series I believe has been implanted into me as a tiny little seed that is going to grow into something that will help others to perceive this wisdom. I will be exploring the ideas of shadow and light and how they interact with one another to help us perceive our reality.

In the mean time, what did you get out of this?

I will be exploring this subject a bit more as I work on this project and hopefully you can help me to explore more deeply.

Earth is Still a Magical Place

Fishing Day Acrylic on Wood

                                                                          Fishing Day
                                                                       Acrylic on Wood

You can’t really know what life may bring you, so you may as well live each moment as it comes.

I had the pleasure this last weekend of exhibiting some of my artwork at the local County’s Earth Day Festival. The festival’s main purpose is to highlight Eco-accountibility, sustainability, and the benefits of supporting local business. It was a bit last minute, but I have so many recycled wood paintings I that I wanted to show off I put in the effort to make it. Making it to the festival wasn’t an easy task either.

Just 2 days prior I spent the evening in the ER at LeBonheur with one of my sons. He had been drawing with a pencil and somehow managed to poke his eye so severely we had to return daily for check-ups on the healing progress. (His 2nd corneal abrasion in less than 6 months)

The first day check-up made me question adding the extra stress of actually preparing and setting up a booth at the festival. I told them I would be there, but dammit I had a good excuse for canceling last minute.

I decided canceling would not be showing up for myself, so I hung in there.

My booth set-up inviting people to examine and explore my process.

             My booth set-up inviting people to examine and explore my process.

It was great fun too and so worth the extra effort. I ran into many different people and got to talk art all day. Not just any art either, my art. I am trying to talk more about the feeling I have when I create and expressing why I create. I never realized that I was telling myself for so long that I was unworthy believe the story that people didn’t want to hear about why I created art. I no longer hold that belief.

I make great art and I have so many reasons why I create the things I do, and if I can make positive change in a persons life because of those reasons, then I am going to share them.

The highlight of my day came while on the way home. I spotted a large piece of pink tin (or maybe aluminum) on the side of the road. Finding cool stuff to make Awe inspiring art out of is just awe inspiring to me, but this particular time was a synchronistic moment.

During the day I spoke with two beautiful elderly souls who had a fun time in the booth chatting and exchanging ideas. One of the women was reminded of a friend that creates flower art for her garden out of tin. The woman asked me if I ever made anything of the sorts. My response was that I hadn’t really ever found any tin on the side of the road to make anything out of, and I supposed that most metals in good quantity would more than likely go to the scrapyard. I promised her though that if I found some, I certainly would try and find something to do with it.

You should have seen the smile across my face when I came across some bright pink tin perfect for making some flowers. (I have been on an echinacea purpurea trip lately.)

After loading up my booth with some help from the ROTC fellows, I made my way to the house having to stop for fuel along the way. I didn’t noticed on the way to the festival that I needed gas for the van, so on the way home I decided to forgo the interstate and take the two-lane highway home. This way I was able to stop for fuel. After fueling up and making my way North to the house, I decided at a 4-way stop to take a left and meander the back-way home. I love taking the back roads filled with meadows, small farms, horses, and loads of trees. It soothes the soul. Especially after a long day filled with so many people.

It was down this road that I spotted the tin.

I immediately looked for some spot to turn around, pulled into a driveway, and then was struck with this site:

Beautiful pasture with train tracks in the rear

                                         Beautiful pasture with train tracks in the rear

I parked to get out and snap a few pictures along with a video. Again stopping to allow myself to be inspired by my surroundings.

Pasture

PastureI then returned to my van, went back up the road, and picked up the tin.

I can’t help but to think of not only all the things that added up to me finding that pink tin, like needing gas, choosing to turn, but also the fact that I had had an earlier conversation about tin and making flowers. It was not just tin, but pink tin. These are some of the moments that I cherish as magical in life.

It may not mean much to anyone else, but it definitely make my reality a bit more special, magical, and so awe inspiring.  Stay posted for my pink tin sculpture.

my pink tin

                                                                          my pink tin

Do you have a great synchronistic story to tell? Please share the story or a link. I would love to read it.

Wallowing Will Get You Nowhere

A little nugget of wisdom I found in one of my notebooks.  The painting is one of mine as well titled "As Above So Below.

A little nugget of wisdom I found in one of my notebooks.                                                                     The painting is one of mine as well titled “As Above So Below.

This morning I found the following written in one of my many notebooks. I wrote it a few years ago around the time I launched my first website. I had sort of forgotten about it.

I want a jolt to spring forth through my art and strike people. Strike them with logical thought and reason. Something to bring them up out of the wallowing in sorrow for themselves and mankind.
I don’t want fame and fortune. I want a society with creative fortitude and passion for life.
A spring of new life will come forth.

I want change.

Real change, not some cheap knock-off pretending to hold some altruistic motive, but a change that is of goals. What we need is a change that can only happen when one reaches down within the deepest and darkest chasms within their being and fight their demons head on and truly extinguish those undulating negative thoughts.

I have definitely wallowed in those pits of sorrow and despair for myself and many other people around me, as well as those I didn’t even know.  So much so that I have been hospitalized more than once for suicidal ideation and its failed attempts.

I have been one to compare myself with so many others.

I have looked down my morals nose at others.

I have seen so much negative in the others and the world around me.

Why was everything around me so terrible and negative? My despair grew as did my wallowing. I thought that I had so much pity for everyone else. I felt as though I could be a moral beacon and bring those I pitied into knowing truth.  What I had was not empathy, but pity.

The very act of me feeling sorry for anyone else automatically brought them down to a level beneath me. As if I was some sort of saving grace for them. You may see some of this mindset in my past posts, which I am not going to remove because I have a changed perspective. I want this blog to be an ever changing being just as I am. It reflects my growth as an individual and it gives me something to look back on and question. I will not hide who I am, have been, or will become.

Recently, what I have begun to understand is that all the negative in the world that I was seeing has been my mirror of the perspective that I hold. (My negative is my negative. You may be harboring your own in a completely opposite truth of mine, but the mechanism is just the same.)

I have known of the saying that “Life is your mirror.” I have repeated it to others. I definitely have told my teenage daughter numerous times, but it never really sunk in fully until this last week. If you are not familiar with the life mirroring you concept, I found the following story today while putting this post together that helps illustrate the point. I would also suggest reading the original article source.

“There was a puppy in the woods, he was feeling sad and depressed with his life. He entered a house of mirrors (all the walls lined up with several hundreds of small mirrors). When he entered the house, he saw hundreds of sad puppies around him. Where-ever he looked he saw sad puppies. He became sure now that the world was full of sadness, because there were so many sad puppies. This confirmed the belief in his mind that sadness is all there is to life, and he became more sad and depressed as he left the house of mirrors.
There was a second puppy in the woods, he was feeling very angry within and was frustrated with his life. He had a scorn on his face and his eyes were narrow with anger. He entered the house of mirrors and saw himself surrounded by hundreds of angry puppies. He was only seeing his reflection on the mirrors, but he did not realize that. He snarled at the reflections and the reflections snarled back at him. In his mind he became convinced that this world is full of anger, and that he needed to defend himself against these angry puppies all the time. He came out of the house angrier and more frustrated with the world.

There was a third puppy in the woods, he was feeling full of joy and he was romping around with his tail wagging. He entered the house of mirrors and was extremely thrilled to see hundreds of happy puppies wagging their tails, smiling at him with glee in their eyes. He felt blessed to know that this world was full of happiness and that he had nothing to worry about, because there were so many happy puppies out there for company. He came out of the house feeling even more joyful, with a deep conviction in the goodness of life.”

If you replace the puppy with yourself, and you replace the house of mirrors with the external reality of your life, you can make a direct co-relation and realize the truth hidden in this story.

If I had read this information before and repeated it, why did it not click with me? Why did I not see it for what it was? It is because I have been lying to myself for so long that it had become an unconscious action. I was not aware of it, even though I touted its benefits to others.

I was living a lie. I didn’t believe in my worth. I told myself the worst case scenario about myself for so long that I believe it to my core and built up my belief system on its foundation. Not ever realizing that the foundation core of my beliefs was a complete cauldron of shit.

The worst is that I wanted to bring everyone else down to my trodden level. I saw it as some sort of haven. I was so blindsided as if I had Stockholm syndrome with my false belief system.

I wanted to tear down all of the work of our forefathers. To tear down the belief that humans are miraculous problems solvers, creators, innovators, creators, and all around good people.

I was calling for apocalypse.

I basically wanted mankind to be dumb-ed down and kept at a preindustrial level of just existing.

I wanted these things because I hated myself, so I reflected that into the world around me.

I certainly didn’t want just existing to be my lot in life, yet I was okay with wanting to throw all of mankind’s advancements and technology out with the proverbial bathwater.

Yes, we as a species have done some horrible things and are still carrying on some not so pleasantries, but we all make mistakes. We can either admit those mistakes and move on toward change in our world, or we can continue to bicker amongst ourselves about who knows the right way.

If we see negativity in our world, we need to ask ourselves from what perspective are we viewing that negativity.

We can continue to see great change in this world.

The Great Discontent and 100 Days of Showing Up

Journeying into the Depths of the Soul can be menacing yet refreshing.

Journeying into the Depths of the Soul can be menacing yet refreshing.

I live in a very fluid and symbolic world as an artist. I would assume many other artists, writers, and all around creatives are similar. The symbolic nature of my reality allows for me to create connections and meaning through most of my everyday happenings. I see a huge universe where everything is interconnected and flowing toward some kind of oneness.

It also becomes difficult being a mother to children, running a household, keeping up on daily chores, while trying to sustain my creativity. Keeping a creative flow of thoughts alongside these experiences as the only happenings in my everyday life becomes a bit overwhelming sometimes.

The combination of sameness and civil responsibility can become mundane or downright neurotic in some instances.

Recently, I jumped on the band wagon of #The100DayProject under the nomenclature of #100daysofusuallylate. The project is being supported by The Great Discontent…a magazine that is not just a magazine about creatives.

I was up late, as usual.  So late it was the early morning hours and I decided to show up for myself. I am usually late when it comes to many things, but the worst of them is showing up for myself. I don’t normally voice my opinion too harshly. I would like to say this is because I do not want hurt feelings, or because as a Libra I want balance, but really it is because I abhor confrontation.

I like people liking me. I do not like people not liking me or making me question myself.  (Big conundrum here since I like to question myself.)

Knowing is half the battle.

Knowing is half the battle.

That confession is a biggie. My memories of childhood are ones of stoicism. My memories of my mother were of an unflinching woman encompassed in self-sacrifice and hardship. Humble beginnings bring happiness was my motto.

I have always been one of those that relished in the fact that I survived the hardship, which in some way gave me a golden halo of satisfaction. My accomplishment was just surviving my victim-hood. As if being born into my family was some sort of curse, and surviving my childhood was the trophy to be won.

Now, with many more years of experience along with more years of changing perspectives I have arrived at a new reality. Or really I have chosen to live a new reality, because I love exploring my inner depths and finding out new things about myself. Challenging myself to grow and move in directions that intuitively feel right.

Usually late when it comes to stopping the madness of everyday life and slowing down to take time for myself needed to be stopped.

I must cherish myself if I can ever be there fully for my children, husband, or anyone else that may need my presence.

So, if you get a chance to check out my Instagram or Facebook page to follow along with my new perspective, then please do. I would love for you guys to share with me your stories as well. How do you show up for your self?

I am an ever changing and emerging feminine goddess made in the image of the all that is and I hope to continue the journey for evermore.

We are the products of our wishes.

                                                  We are the products of our wishes.

Deep Thoughts Are Always Coming…What Do I Do With Them

image

I grabbed one of my many notebooks the other day as I prepared to go to a meeting about a mural project.  I recently pulled many of my art boxes out in preparation of an upcoming festival (my art business is currently composed of large plastic tubs while we try to convince someone they want to buy our home). So, the notebook I grabbed was one I haven’t looked through in awhile. I enjoy going back and reading my thoughts. There is an enumerable amount of notebooks filled with many musings.  I have told my husband that if I die before him, he must try to put my thoughts together somehow, but after my findings the other day, I may just begin sharing all that I find. Here is my little gem from the other day. You are going to have to let go Be yourself Open up Grab your muse Let it light your path And bring you into its grasp Get on a wild tangent Get past the smoke and mirrors Let the lies drop by your side Get off and leave the train There is no reason to hide Traces left behind…blown away Halt the sway Lifting, I think about the things you’ve said I think about the things you did You did help to bring about a greatness I can’t live without You are a living sentiment You brought from me my commitment I hated to say goodbye, but it was time to move in another direction A greatness with one day surface from a seed that was placed You will one day appreciate love of life and experience My greatness one should not underestimate I miss your face and sometimes Contemplate…