To the Mother Who Stabbed Her Children, We Failed You as a Society

Shanynthia Gardner…

My heart goes out to you.

We failed you as a society.

Although I truly want to, I cannot really fathom the depths of despair which caused you to commit such a heinous act against your children; your flesh and blood.

I can only imagine that you must have been in such turmoil with your mind and body having gone through so many pregnancies so quickly with no time to recuperate. You probably have not slept a full night in more than 5 years.  Your pregnancies probably depleted your body of all of its nutrients that allow for someone to think logically and with reason.

I do not know your circumstance and I can only speculate about what kind of person would continually get you pregnant so quickly after having so much strain on your body.  I truly hope you were not also in an abusive relationship.  A person like that to me could not have been a loving and understanding father, husband, or partner.

I cannot imagine what it would be like, but I do want you to know that I am mourning the lives of your children and hoping for the best for your surviving son.  He is going to have to endure all of the ridicule that you receive and his heart will be tortured for many years to come.  Some people do not think about these things when they quickly judge someone else’s action.  For that I am truly sorry.

I really hope that the other partner/s involved in this tragedy do not exploit these circumstances for financial gain when he or they are culpable in this matter.  Women do not have babies alone and real fathers have compassion for their wives and partners.  Real men help with the children and try to relieve stress on the mother.

I too have been in the deep shadows of the depths of despair where psychosis lurks. It is not enjoyable to rise from those places back into the light and realize the pain and destruction that you have caused.  You can never go back.  You must now forever live with this guilt and for that I am really sorry, and I do not judge you.  My heart goes out to you and your family.

Human beings whom are reading this, if you know a mother who too has had this many children in such a short time period please give them some stress relief!

Cook them a good dinner.

Clean their house.

Watch the kids and give them an afternoon off.

Hang out, laugh, and do laundry together.

Do not make them feel bad for having gotten pregnant yet again. It happens.  What is done is done.  The least we can do is help make life a bit easier so that the next generation of human beings can grow up to make this world an even better place where tragedies like this, that are preventable, do not occur.

We can learn from this.

We are all in this together.

http://www.survivingppp.com/2016/01/postpartum-psychosis-can-you-forgive.html#.V3gGUDVRKAU

View story at Medium.com

http://thehealthcure.info/this-chilling-story-of-postpartum-psychosis-will-make-you-rethink-maternal-mental-illness/https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/isnt-what-i-expected/201202/postpartum-psychosis-scary-treatable

*Edit Note: I was informed via Facebook by George Brown of WREG that his understanding is that not all of the children were Shanynthia’s biological children and that we do not know if her husband was supportive or not.  He also added that we do not know if she sought, turned away, or was turned away from an kind of treatment.  I wanted to add these because I wrote earlier from the heart after hearing such negativity about this story.  I did not do any research and did not claim that I was reporting in any way about this story.

I would like to note that women can have postpartum psychosis from only one pregnancy.  It does not just occur after multiple pregnancies.  Also I would like to note, that I thank all of those fathers out there that do their best to be supportive, my husband is one.  You guys rock as well as any aunts, mother, sisters, friends, and the like that support our mother’s in this world.  We need people like you.  We need deeply caring and compassionate people to support us in any way possible.

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One Thing That My Horrible Coaching Experience Did Teach Me

One thing that my coaching experience did teach me.

“Do not let someone to tell you who and what you are not.”

This is an essential lesson learned even without the payment for services.

My coaching experience started with me being wrapped up and flown on a magic carpet ride to an imaginative dream world. A world where I could have all that this world imagines for me. Great abundance and prosperity. Little did I know my idea of abundance (happiness, satisfaction, inner peace) greatly differed from my coaches idea of abundance (money, vacations, and stuff) This seeking of future abundance could almost become an addiction for some. I did what I do best…speculate and create.

I’m good at this. I could sit and imagine all day. I may be addicted to theorizing and postulating, but one day I feel something will come of it. This is because I can’t stop it and I’m not sure if I want to.

A huge bump on my flight to dreamland that brought me out of my daze was when my relationship with my husband was not only questioned by my coach, but I was demonstrably shunned for thinking such a thing about my own experience.

I may not have a clue as to why I am here on this earth, or what exactly I am supposed to be accomplishing in this incarnation, but one thing I do know down to the deepest of my core as a fluid and feeling being in this temporal experience is the facts about my relationship with my husband.

I know what we have and I know where we have come from the beginning. Our relationship is the closest and most profound experience that I have manifested in my reality. We are so deeply intimate that I find it difficult to even describe. We have pushed and prodded one another toward greater awareness of the other as well as into deeper understandings of ourselves. We continue to grow and hope to effect those whose lives we encounter. We have spent many countless hours talking about our deepest fears to our greatest dreams. I know no one closer than he. I am so intricately intertwined into his psyche as he is to mine. Truly I believe deep down that we are one soul on another plane. The completeness that I get from his presence in this life is the one thing that grounds me every time I let my feet lift off into the other-worlds; those worlds of doubt and worry. The desolate places within our minds that hold all the darkest parts of humanity in its tombs. These are the places where our devils and demons are chained and caged for us to view from afar. The places that exist so we may have formality and complacency. Those are the places that many try to ignore and forget. The places that get changed into myth as though they never existed. They are brought outside of our selves and put on display as if we have no order or control over their forces. It is easy for a dreamer to get lost in these deep dark caverns of our psyches. Nicholas is my beacon among the shadows. He brings me back to reality. I could go on and on with my expressions of happiness and gratitude when it comes to the other soul that gives me a sense of completeness, but it will not settle with anyone’s heart unless they too have experienced such a relationship.

I am grateful for the grounding that I receive from my husband, and it was our relationship questioned that brought me again out of my coaching dream state.

It pains me when I mention something about my love to someone and they reply with the totally opposite viewpoint using socially acceptable clichés about relationships. The cliches you see used in TV entertainment. The drama and excitment of discontent. It too is addicting to some. I thankfully do not have this addiction, I think…

During this coaching experience I began learning some things about myself and becoming excited about delving into the waters of my soul, but my coach stopped me mid sentence and told me that was not the case and that I needed to get that idea out of my head. I was immediately taken aback. I was shoved into my past where as a young girl I could be so entranced into my imaginative play and then was dragged out by the screams of my mother about all the wrong I had done.

This is when my expensive carpet ride hit some turbulence. I had opened up too much to a total stranger. I had poured my heart out and cried to this woman, and in an instant she betrayed that trust. I was shown a side of this woman that she had cleverly hidden from me. I had been given a completely wrong impression from the beginning as a cute sales ploy to gain my allegiance as a customer.

I was just another sales call.

I was disheartened.

Every interaction we had after that I was reminded of all the others in my past whom had lied to me about who they truly were; the manipulative and abusive boyfriends, the classmates who sneeringly joked about me, the mother who transformed into a monster, the father who abandoned me, the religion that ostracized me.

I was still healing from these things and so quickly were those wounds ripped open. I had spent the most money ever on myself. I was just emerging from my dark night of the soul on my healing journey when my coach grabbed those chains and drug me back to the filthy pits of transgressors.

I lost all trust again.

I was that little girl hiding back beneath the bed, peeing herself so she didn’t have to face the monster.

I wanted my money back. I wanted to forget about what had happened. I didn’t. I was shot down and too scared to stand up for myself. I stuck through the rest of our time together. I got nauseous and gagged a little when she spent an hour trying to convince me to sign up to her inner circle, for a monthly fee. I knew that I couldn’t use the same deceptive practices to lull some unsuspecting soul into a trap for a few bucks. I could not and would not join a group of women who pride themselves in the closing sales pitch as they flaunt the wealth that comes from their deceitful practice.

I would liken the experience to a new age cult. One is slowly reeled in by promises of multitudes and plenty be it happiness or money. Then once inside the halls they are damned to perpetuate the cycle in order to uphold their end of the deal. If they do not uphold their end… they are dropped from the circle that keeps them alive in whatever they were promised. Either you want it bad enough, or you would rather save your soul.

I sheepishly saved my soul and ran for the nearest exit.

I did gain insight with my coaching experience just like I gained greater insight from the many other relationships I have had as a human on this earth. I fell into the coaching trap for a reason. It may not have manifested what my ego wanted, but it did give me greater wisdom.

All of my experience plays a part in who I have become in this 33 year old body. It all comes down to whether I choose to allow that insight to help me create order within myself or delve into chaos.

Why America is Not the Greatest Country in the World

I am on a roll this morning! Maybe it is the weather or maybe I am just tired of all the blaming that goes on around the world these days. I would wager on the latter. Have you ever thought about what would happen if everyone who was an activist just got together all around the world and pooled their money, minds, and together? It seems that all the division that goes around just makes us look like this

A chaotic explosion dissidence.

What the hell are we doing people?

I see a trend when it comes to social media. Post a picture of you standing in front of flowers and you can get more than 50 likes and some comments…Post a picture about changing our perspectives to be more positive on the way we see our fellow humans and get 1 like and no comments or one that looks like this:

meme change

I think I may be hanging out with the wrong people.

Do these people really not care? Are they so stuck in their American-dream life that they can’t see a bigger picture? Maybe I am being too harsh. Maybe they just want to scroll through their feeds like there are watching television and zone out. Maybe they do not want to think about issues that have to do with the future of our country. Maybe they like to be complacent. I really like social media. I love getting to meet people half way around the world who think like me and love the world like me. We all want to be accepted.

Another Google find.

                                                         Yet another Google find.

I really like the above quote, and I hope to read Jobs’ biography, but I sure ain’t in that Apple boat, read more about that here.

Those rich bastard can be quite mean when they think no one is watching…or do they even care at this point? Ain’t got no couth.

I like using ain’t, makes me feel on level with my fellow android users.

Moving On…

Last night I watched the movie Inequality for All.

Here is a screen shot from the movie about where the money from Iphone sales land:

Interesting that only 6% comes back to America. If you read the above linked article about how the majority of Americans pander the Apple life as American. Like I said I’m in the Android boat.

After all that learning about inequality from the movie, I decided at the end to follow through with some action, so I did what the movie prompted and went to their website and I signed their petition.

This morning I find an email in my inbox.

I replied to said email as so: [I replied to their prompts inside their email format. My replies are italicized]

Dear MoveOn member,
>
> Welcome to MoveOn! By taking action with us, you’ve just joined our
> community of more than 8 million activists working for progressive change
> in this country.
>
> Our members form the core of our community and impact everything we do.
> That’s why it’s so important for us to hear from you. Can you take a
> quick
> moment to answer an important question for us?
>
> In your opinion, what is the most pressing issue facing our country
> today?
>
> Rising income inequality

Rising income inequality sucks and I would hope that this changes, but people need to stop taking so little for the value that they create. We need a movement where everyone who thinks they are not making enough actually stop going to work and then see how the large corporations like that. How about people just become entrepreneurs and start their own companies slowly and stop shopping at large corporations. The people still have a say in what happens in the market where they have dollars to spend.
>
> Republican overreach on the federal, state, and local level

We need to get our damn heads out of the clouds when it comes to party speak. We are all fucking Americans! We need every damn person that can rise up against the current political system to rally together against political parties. We need to take money completely out of the equation when it comes to serving one’s country. Who is going to be a senator or congressman when they have to have their own 9-5 and work for free on nights and weekends like our forefather’s did? Those who really give a shit, that’s who.
>
> The destruction of our environment by giant corporations

Not just large corporations…every damn person buying plastic and other oil derived products like it’s no one’s business. Americans consume just like the Chinese and Japanese consume. We are all a part of this equation. Blaming someone else for our own destruction is sadly taking the victim’s easy road out. Americans all around are destroying our environment by not giving a shit about their waste and continuing to follow trends of buy new, buy bigger, and buy more. Large corporations are just making it easier by being an enabler like a crack head’s mom. They are making a shit ton of money as well. That is just a side effect of the Americans continually buying their shit and working for crappy wages.
>
> Endless military engagement abroad

Now this is stupid. I can not believe that in the 21st century with all of our technological advancement that we are still playing boom boom shoot em up games around the world. I feel like it is a Nintendo game being played out. Oh, wait…I can believe we are still playing these games, because most Americans do not do their homework. They spend the majority of their time thinking about themselves and those immediately around them and they still watch major propaganda machines like CNN and FOX News. Those are like infomercials for the military industrial complex. I am reminded of a movie quote, “America, Fuck Yeah.” *just follow the link, you will not be dissappointed
>
> Pervasive and systemic racial inequality

The only pervasive systemic racial inequality that I see is the constant reminding Americans of their past mistakes. Who would continue to hang out with someone who constantly reminded you of all the stupid shitty stuff you did as a teenager? Me personally? Not a damn soul. I hang with those who remind me of my ability to change and effect positive change in others. I also do not hold grudges and I do not teach my children to point out and hold against others the negative aspects they might see. I could go on about this since I grew up and live in the Metro Memphis area where my white children are the minority, but I will hold back. Like I said continually beating this subject is not going to change anything. We need to change our perspectives.
>
> Something else not listed above

White hatred. Yep, I said that. I did not choose to be born white. I did not choose to grow up poor either. I am white and we were on food stamps when I was a kid. I have had to apply for food stamps when my husband was working as a manager for an OReilly’s store and working 60-80 hours a week. I have so many health problems from being malnourished as a child and only having fluoridated water to drink. I was a first generation college student thanks only to becoming a teen mother and qualifying for Pell Grants. My parent’s divorced when I was 10. My father is an alcoholic and my mother has her own issues. I have worked my ever loving ass off and continue to do so. I have watched so many others around me, such as my Mexican and Black neighbors do the same as well. We are all in the same boat. If there is one thing that irks me more is someone thinking I am privileged because of the genes that I was born with. *remember, I’m in that ghetto android family
>
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> you
> for becoming a MoveOn member. We look forward to working with you over
> the
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I thought I would share that with you guys.  Off the soapbox now.

I will continue, though, to try and make my changes to the world and never back down. I want to leave this planet knowing that I tried my best to create great positive change in this world. I want to leave knowing that I was not complacent and I continued to strive to be the best human that I could possibly be.

I leave you with this gem of a video. Too bad this was fiction and not an actual politician.

Of course Forbes tried to argue with an appeal to emotion with this article, but they have to be biased toward big money…that is what they represent.