To the Mother Who Stabbed Her Children, We Failed You as a Society

Shanynthia Gardner…

My heart goes out to you.

We failed you as a society.

Although I truly want to, I cannot really fathom the depths of despair which caused you to commit such a heinous act against your children; your flesh and blood.

I can only imagine that you must have been in such turmoil with your mind and body having gone through so many pregnancies so quickly with no time to recuperate. You probably have not slept a full night in more than 5 years.  Your pregnancies probably depleted your body of all of its nutrients that allow for someone to think logically and with reason.

I do not know your circumstance and I can only speculate about what kind of person would continually get you pregnant so quickly after having so much strain on your body.  I truly hope you were not also in an abusive relationship.  A person like that to me could not have been a loving and understanding father, husband, or partner.

I cannot imagine what it would be like, but I do want you to know that I am mourning the lives of your children and hoping for the best for your surviving son.  He is going to have to endure all of the ridicule that you receive and his heart will be tortured for many years to come.  Some people do not think about these things when they quickly judge someone else’s action.  For that I am truly sorry.

I really hope that the other partner/s involved in this tragedy do not exploit these circumstances for financial gain when he or they are culpable in this matter.  Women do not have babies alone and real fathers have compassion for their wives and partners.  Real men help with the children and try to relieve stress on the mother.

I too have been in the deep shadows of the depths of despair where psychosis lurks. It is not enjoyable to rise from those places back into the light and realize the pain and destruction that you have caused.  You can never go back.  You must now forever live with this guilt and for that I am really sorry, and I do not judge you.  My heart goes out to you and your family.

Human beings whom are reading this, if you know a mother who too has had this many children in such a short time period please give them some stress relief!

Cook them a good dinner.

Clean their house.

Watch the kids and give them an afternoon off.

Hang out, laugh, and do laundry together.

Do not make them feel bad for having gotten pregnant yet again. It happens.  What is done is done.  The least we can do is help make life a bit easier so that the next generation of human beings can grow up to make this world an even better place where tragedies like this, that are preventable, do not occur.

We can learn from this.

We are all in this together.

http://www.survivingppp.com/2016/01/postpartum-psychosis-can-you-forgive.html#.V3gGUDVRKAU

View story at Medium.com

http://thehealthcure.info/this-chilling-story-of-postpartum-psychosis-will-make-you-rethink-maternal-mental-illness/https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/isnt-what-i-expected/201202/postpartum-psychosis-scary-treatable

*Edit Note: I was informed via Facebook by George Brown of WREG that his understanding is that not all of the children were Shanynthia’s biological children and that we do not know if her husband was supportive or not.  He also added that we do not know if she sought, turned away, or was turned away from an kind of treatment.  I wanted to add these because I wrote earlier from the heart after hearing such negativity about this story.  I did not do any research and did not claim that I was reporting in any way about this story.

I would like to note that women can have postpartum psychosis from only one pregnancy.  It does not just occur after multiple pregnancies.  Also I would like to note, that I thank all of those fathers out there that do their best to be supportive, my husband is one.  You guys rock as well as any aunts, mother, sisters, friends, and the like that support our mother’s in this world.  We need people like you.  We need deeply caring and compassionate people to support us in any way possible.

Poop Health is No Joking Matter

I was prompted this morning to share this with you guys…

Actually I was prompted about this time last year to share this story, but I have been reluctant to put a face to my poop story.

I get it; poop is icky stuff brimming with bacteria that can cause the worst retching this side of Texas. It is private and not socially acceptable to speak about poop, but why is it not acceptable? Toddlers certainly have no qualms about poop. They are definitely proud of anything they create, and poop is their creation. Creating to them is still magical and mysterious. Think about how proud mothers are who birthed a child…to a toddler they are birthing this strange stuff every day. They are not quite sure what it is; they know they can’t touch it. But, they are curious.

I have been asked before if poop is actually made of chocolate; very seriously so. I have had to do some strong coaxing, convincing a toddler that it is not chocolate. Diagrams and Grey’s Anatomy…I digress.

This story is not about my toddlers, though. This story is about me. (You can view my toddler’s poop antics here.)

My poop story does start way back when, though.  From the time that I was a small child I thought having a bowel movement twice a week was normal. That was my reality and I never questioned it. People of course didn’t talk about these things either. In my family, we didn’t talk about much at all. I can remember having a difficult time even speaking out loud to adults, let alone speaking about forbidden things.

Poop speak really isn’t forbidden, but it is shunned as a no-no from a very early age. I started shushing my children from the first time they uttered poop speak in public, because that is what I was taught. I was taught many things from a young age that I never thought twice about instilling in my own children. We are socially groomed by our immediate family members and perpetuate those social norms until we contemplate them otherwise.

…and I have contemplated otherwise.

I now know that daily bowels habits are a sign if excellent health and poop speak is common in my home. It is not uncommon to hear the exclamation, “I pooped,” uttered in my house, or the question, “Have you pooped today?”

Now, understandably, one doesn’t have to poop every day. It really depends upon the quantity and quality of the food consumed. If your body is very active and the food is of high quality, easily digestible food, then you could go 2 days without a bowel movement and you are not having problems. However, if your body is sedentary and being filled with over processed grains and chemical sludge, then going every 2 days is a sign of a problem. You are backing up the most essential nutrient logistics system in your body, and with the eating habits of Americans going to the dumps, there is no wonder that one of the most prevalent diseases in our society are ones involving the bowels.

Colon and rectal cancers 4th Leading cause of cancer death.
Constipation is on the rise.

I’m just throwing those links out there…not really sure if there is any correlation or not, but my intuition says yes.

If you do a search you will find many more sites focused on treating constipation than you will find talking about healthy bowel habits. Chewing food completely, at least 22 times, is another healthy bowel habit I have found.

Since some like to shout fiber and dehydration first, I would like to add that as a child we did not have snack cakes or cokes in my home. Our snacks were fruits and veggies and we made tea and kool-aid by the gallons. I ate broccoli, cauliflower, carrots, corn, potatoes, and everything else veggie. We did have cold cereal, bread, and pastries. I still had no daily bowel habits. I just lived with what I now understand was chronic constipation.

I was made fun of by peers for having foul flatulence. I tried to laugh it all off, but it did bother me. For me pain in my joints started in my teens. I would get really bad shoulder and back pain just from vacuuming or wiping down tables at my waitressing job. I never realized this was something bad. We just sucked it up and didn’t complain in my house.
It took me being diagnosed at 28 with Lupus for me to even start researching.

I had had a sore throat for months that just would not let up. At first I thought it was allergies, and then I moved on to strep throat. I soon began contemplating more dire issues like having a thyroid problem. I would not have imagined the culmination of my symptoms would have garnered the diagnosis of Lupus.

After extensively researching the internet, reading numerous scientific papers, books, and blogs, I eventually started a gluten free diet to see if it would help my inflammatory response and tone down the Lupus symptoms. I first talked about this back in 2012.

After many months of this diet, maybe even more than a year I began having bowel movements everyday and sometimes more. I thought something was wrong.

Nope, nothing wrong with pooping numerous times a day. I found that it is actually healthy bowel habits. Since beginning my gluten free diet 3 years ago, I am in the best health ever! I am on no medication for systemic Lupus and I am not swollen in the mornings, I don’t ache all over, and I love having a bowel movement. It is the weirdest thing, but I am happy to feel the urge, sit down, everything comes out perfect, clean, and quick; never even strain. I love a gluten free diet.

No matter what the poo pooers out there say about gluten chic…I am sold.

There it is…my entrails laid bare.

I can go back to painting now.

Bringing up The Next Generation of Thomas Paines

Video


I love being having the freedom to share the genuine and thoughtful ideas of those around me…and I hope to be able to continue to do so for many generations to come.

“To argue with a man who has renounced the use and authority of reason, and whose philosophy consists in holding humanity in contempt, is like administering medicine to the dead, or endeavoring to convert an atheist by scripture.”
Thomas Paine, The American Crisis

Getting Lost in the Experience

april 003

My helper as I work on a wedding topper. He lets me know if I’m doing a good job, and when it is lunch time.

I spend my work day with my 3 year old, so the majority of my adult conversations are held with me, and when one talks to herself for long enough she quickly gets into “that” category.  You know the category of thoughts that question everything around you.  Questions about society and the way things are set up socially.  The “rules” one must follow to be considered normal on the saneness scale.

For instance, the thoughts that the majority of a human’s expenditure of energy is put forth on cleaning the insides of their homes and dressing up the exteriors; that is if they don’t work so much that they just pay someone else to put forth this expense so they can spend ever more time working to make the money to pay for the help, or they are just lazy.  Now, I’m not thinking about Better Homes and Gardens dressing up, just plain old cut-the-grass, weed-the-beds, pick-up-whatever-the-wind-blew-in kind of stuff.  Then if you are one of those who cherish the lushly green turf without a spot of “weeds” aka ‘natural fauna’ then you have more expenditure.

Weeds vs. TurfI think about all those poor weeds that never had a chance with all their pretty miniature flowers…they get killed and washed away with some harsh chemicals so that the uniform grass can take over with all of its spring death and dullness.  Does anyone entertain the thought about where these chemicals go once the rain washes them away?  I think about it every time I see one of those guys ambling through a yard spraying the green stuff on a neighor’s lawn.  A lawn that a kid might crash his bike into and land on which in turn covers his clothes and shoes where touched.

The river being referred to by this sewer drain is the Mighty Mississippi or as we like to call him Old Man River

The river being referred to by this sewer drain is the Mighty Mississippi or as we like to call him Old Man River

That poor aquatic fauna never saw it coming.  I wonder how many vegans only care about directly effecting animals and ignore the indirect suffering they may cause?  Does not the extraction of oil for gasoline and all those nice plastic things decimate animal populations?  Do vegans not drive cars or talk on cell phones because the production of these things would cause distress to animals?

I wonder how much time is spent cleaning in different tribes around the world or how much my ancestors cleaned theirs and others homes.  I try to keep my home clean, but I would also love to spend time with my children outside exploring ideas and experiences.  Society was set up the way that it is when I was born, so I must spend the extra-time either paying for someone to keep a standard or keep the standard myself so that I am not ostracized by a group of which I am supposed to be a part.  Why do I want to be part of their group?  Why do I want them to accept me?

I hold expectations of others in my group as well.  I expect that people would only present themselves in public places fully clothed.  I do not wish to see pajama pants at the grocery store.  Then I wonder, do they get in their bed with those clothes that they have walked around in all day?  How often do they clean their sheets? Do they have breathing problems or trouble sleeping? Do they know that if they didn’t unnecessarily use all those harsh chemicals then they wouldn’t be bringing them into their enclosed homes and rubbing them all over their carpets and sheets and breathing them in for 7 hours every night?

They could be so much more comfortable and healthy if it was socially acceptable to actually tell people these things to their faces and if they were actually open enough to accept advice from someone in their community.  Community…that’s a word that has been redefined in our society.

Community should be the knowing that one is amongst others who will help and guide them.  It is innate in the human to seek validation for their existence; for humans to want to be accepted as part of a group.  Humans want to seek out the emotions that make them feel good.  It could be the feeling that they are needed which makes them happy.  The feeling that they made someone laugh which brings laughter into their hearts.  The thought that they helped make someone’s life that much more grand with their show of love.

There are also those that seek validation of their own greatness.  The one that seeks to be on top at the expense of making their colleague look like a fool.  The one that would rather get the pat on the back then save the jobs of thousands.

To each his own…the darkness is that which defines the light and without light there would not be darkness.

This is about how I explain it, because I feel as though I can’t do anything to change it.  It is much easier this way, and sometimes going with the flow is your only choice…or is it?

I’m guilty of many things but losing my humanity is not one of them…

Not sure who is in this photo, but was taken at a public art show.

Not sure who is in this photo, but was taken at a public art show.

I’m guilty.  I make sweepingly broad generalizations about things that go on around me.  Who doesn’t?  It is the way that our brain puts information together and processes it, especially when we really, really want to justify ourselves.  Our brain does such a good job that our scientists can’t even get close to the processing ability of the human mind.  Economist use sweeping generalizations for the whole of the economic system that billions of people rely upon every day.  Laws that are set in-the-books are sweeping generalizations of mental states or actions that encompass the 315 million Americans through consideration or lack thereof under those laws.  When someone violates a law they must then pay restitution for their lack of consideration of that law.  They are, fined, jailed, or forever ostracized because they had some lapse of judgment…or were just raised to believe in a certain way.  We are all raised to believe something.

I was raised to believe that all males were dirty sexually charged scum who only wanted to use my body for their pleasure and that I should be wary of them at all costs.  I was raised in a very fundamentalist Christian home.  I was told I needed to preserve my virtuousness as a woman by only giving myself to the man I was going to marry.  Was I surprised when I finally interacted with boys and they came off to me as nice and charming?  They gave me more attention than I had ever received from my home-life.  My mom never told me there were both good and bad.  She only ever pointed out the bad and my religious duty to stay away.  So, what was I supposed to believe about my own self when I became sexually charged?  It was going to happen.  It is the natural course of the human body.  Those hormones begin to well up and my natural instinct to procreate begins to kick in.  I guess I essentially began to see myself as the scum that my mother so vehemently spoke about.  I was then living in a dark world.  Teenage years are rough in our society and I can only imagine what it is like now with all the added stressors of constant information dissemination across the web.

My daughter and I had a conversation the other day about her wanting to know everything.  Not that she wants to know all the information in the world and be smart, but more like she wants to know the intentions of people and what their actions are going to be.  I had a difficult time trying to explain to her that she must trust people.  In our day of mega-news and breaking stories of attacks and deaths it is difficult for trust in other people and of society as a whole to grow on a natural course.

I try to limit our household TV consumption as well as other forms for that matter, and instead try to increase the time we spend talking to one another to entertain deeper philosophical thought and inner reflection of ourselves as not only individuals but as participants in a societal structure.  We all have considerations to keep.

We then heard a story on the radio about facebook craziness where people are posing as someone else.  I really liked Oliver Mundy’s review of this movie and do believe I will be watching it soon.  There is a need that has been created for some to do this, not because they are deranged, but because they have the same natural tendencies of every other human being to want to be included and accepted, yet trivial minded pettiness about looks and actions along with lack of meaningful relationships cause these individuals to become reclusive and hide behind their computers and create a fantasy world in which they are accepted.  It is again a show of the gross distortion of humanity.

Now, the story I heard on the radio was about a supposed law that some want to get passed to ban this type of manipulation.  I thought there was already a law in place for this.  Identity theft comes to mind. On another note, have we so lost people to this type of act that instead of trying to correct a problem and see what we could do differently as a human race that might help these people, instead we put a bandage on the symptom and further ostracize them by making their actions illegal when larger corporations manipulated people every day with the bombardment of commercials doing the same thing with their products?

“Drink coke you will be as happy as a polar bear in the North Pole.”

“Take our pill and your relationship will get better because it was only suffering do to your incompetence as a male.”

“Wear our make-up and people will think you are sophisticated and beautiful and all your dreams will be fulfilled.”

“Buy our clothes and you will be content in your life and get to go to great parties and hang out with friends.”

“Use our energy drink, you will be successful and finally rich so you can go buy more crap you don’t need but we want the profit.”

Sweeping generalizations?  Of course they don’t just come out and say it like that, but everyone gets the gist of what is going on and everyone accepts it.  If people want to put this Facebook story down in the books as insignificant and pointless then they need to think again how this type of technology is affecting our children.  For our children the cyber-world is as close to reality as the table they are sitting and typing away at.  They are being brought up to rely fully only these electronics and to put complete and total trust in them, this along with being shown and taught that they cannot trust their fellow humans on a daily basis.

As you can see this is a difficult idea to bring across to my Asperger’s daughter who already has a stunted concept of the way that society must run in this day and age.  I don’t think she is stunted of course, that is just what the diagnoses postulates.  I believe she has a mind that does not want to grasp the grossly distorted society we now live in.  She doesn’t want to accept that people can’t just be honest with one another on the grounds of being considerate of others feelings yet she watches people daily take advantage of others violating this very concept.  This is a confusing social structure and I myself have difficulties explaining it to her, and once I really start explaining these things, once I start putting words to these sweeping generalizations that we are just supposed to know and follow then I start to see how absurd they really are and why she has a difficult time understanding them.

Everything is ass backwards.  Instead of someone having confidence in themselves they rely on everyone around them to be gentle so as not to break their fragile self-image yet they are then taught that you cannot trust that person.  Paranoia ensues.  We are now raising a paranoid generation who relies on the wrong information to get by.  These children will be the next Senators, Representatives, Congressman, or ghastly the next Commander and Chief.  What is that sort of America going to look like?

I have a post that I wrote up months ago yet never published because of its controversy…but I am glad I didn’t because it sort of goes with this one.  I will just give you the gist and now the update.

I know someone who got a lap-band to lose weight since their weight was of concern to their health.  The doctor agreed upon it and the patient agreed upon it and the insurance allowed for the procedure to happen.  The patient then just kept living as usual.  Eating the same things in the same amounts and just went to go throw up when she overindulged.  She thought this was laughable, but if someone questioned this then they are looked as like a creep who doesn’t care for someone.  How can being concerned for someone’s health turn against one so quickly.  Now this person just had the lapband removed, because it just didn’t work (and posted all over their Facebook how everyone should be concerned for them during their surgery).  Concerned for what?  They chose to have the lapband.  They chose not to follow the instructions and they chose to have it removed.  You bet it didn’t work.  The whole purpose of the lapband is to force someone to change their habits.  It is not for them to feel good about themselves and talk about how they did it.  It is to force them to take responsibility for what they stick in their face.  I wonder what kind of statistic this patient will become after lying to their doctor about the effects of the lapband.  I know others who have tried the lapband and were successful at changing their habits.  One who went through a successful pregnancy and breastfed while having the lapband.  So eating smaller amounts and still getting the nutrition needed is possible, but I think the psychological aspects of this procedure need some perfecting.

I am no doctor and am just making generalizations.  Generalizations just like the doctors that do with the results of their scientific experiments.  Taking in a few thousand sometimes only hundreds of patients’ stories and extrapolating that information to encompass the 315 million Americans.  Just like Americans generalize their considerations of the Muslim religion based upon one incident that killed around 3,000 Americans and some 4,500 casualties of the resulting war.  Just like the generalizations made by the Afghans about Americans since the killing of some 136,000 of their civilians during the American ‘War on Terror.’  We generalize everything.  This is how we survive, and even though we teach that generalization is a bad thing, we live by it in everyday situations.  We just all keep it hush-hush.  We don’t verbalize it.  For if we verbalized it then we would be bringing it out of the shadows and have to face it with responsibility.

I am at a loss for what to think about my country.  I am at a loss for what to teach my children about their country.  I am at a loss for what to do to help others change their perspectives.  I am at a loss.

I do know one thing, though…I will hang on to my humanity while I continue to make generalizations.  I will not stop thinking about other people and trying to relate to them.  I will not stop trying to figure out how to make this world a better place.  I will not stop dreaming or hoping for a brighter future.  I will not stop being human.  I will make mistakes and I will learn from my experience, and I will not blame anyone for my choices. Nothing anyone says or does chooses for me.  I choose how I react and how I allow things to affect me.  I choose.  What do you choose?

That darn Ego keeps winning!

Why must we all have our decisions validated?

I had a conversation with a friend this morning about my little kindergartener who is pretty bored in class.  He is like most children his age and inquires about everything.  He knows a lot of the information being systematically shoved at him and detests repetitive tasks.  So far, though, he has not been a nuisance or harmed himself or anyone else, just bored.  I would like to include that my son is in public school and we pay taxes, but I don’t think much of what we pay in taxes is actually making it into the school system, but that is a whole other beast and there are probably many blogs to address that subject.

After my conversation I began a similar one with my sister who is attending university to become a teacher and our subject of bored kindergarteners who are more advanced turned into a conversation about social acceptance and the emphasis put on it within the school system.

She has insider knowledge, of course, about what is going to be instructed in elementary education since she is being taught how to do this very instruction.  I full and well know how cult like higher education can be about defending its purposes and motives.  When I was at university a being taught marketing and public relations I was sickened by the way I was being instructed to systematically manipulate people and how giddy the professors were about this information, which was like we were these greater people being let in on a secret that isn’t even kept a secret.  This stuff is known and people don’t even care.

Why do people not care anymore that others are manipulating them?

Where did this stem from?

What changed in the minds of the great American populace that took our independence and courage and convinced us to shove it into a closet to gather dust with all the other crap we don’t really need?

I have one thought on this and it is where my sister and I’s conversation ended up after a few minutes of discussing my son’s future in public education.

Social Acceptance.

I majored in Sociology and took many courses on Psychology and logic, but my sister did not, she has only been taught elementary education, so we disagreed in the social acceptance arena.

She says that pushing a child up in grades is shied away from in public education because of social awkwardness.  If a kid is around older children then they are less likely to be accepted socially then if the child is around same age peers.  There would be a problem with social awkwardness.

I have a problem with that…first off, this is not a by the books blog post and these are the opinions of two women, that being said I am struck down on the social acceptance being a big priority in the school system.  What is going on in the minds of people who believe that social acceptance is the means above all which helps make everything run smoothly?  Why are people so scared of not being accepted?

This social acceptance ideal I believe is where in lies our problem as a society as a whole.  My children do not need to be socially accepted to become honest and decent citizens of our country or this society or this world for that matter, and I wouldn’t want them to seek acceptance above their own creativity and passions.  I say do what you like not what is accepted as long as you do not harm another person.

Our society says do what everyone else says and does because otherwise you won’t be socially accepted.  Is this what has happened in corporate America?  Where workers are just doing what the believed mindset is and not what is right?  I can imagine it goes something like this: “Ah, we need to increase our profits or I will lose my job, so we are going to shut down our factory here in America and move it to a country where we can pay small children little to nothing and make gigantic profits and I will get a bonus.”

Is social acceptance so important that one would put it above their own morals and beliefs?   That someone would teach their children above all else just try to be accepted.  My sister argued that the kids need to learn to get along with other people for society to function, but this is not a logical argument.  People do not have to agree to get along.  I do not have to have the same opinions as others to get along with them.  I do not have to accept everybody and I don’t think anyone should be forced to do the same.  If you don’t like the way I dress you have every right to not like me and I have every right to accept that as your opinion.

I could go on for days about how I believe this theory of mine applies to many of the problems we have in society today, but I also must get back to my art since I am only two weeks away from the Cooper Young Festival in Memphis, TN and have way too many loose ends on some projects.

I will just leave anyone who happens across this blog with the idea that our society has become one large high school drama where being socially accepted is trumps morality or true values or abilities or genius or creativity and that is all I have to say about that.

We may all be a bit Neuro-diverse

I watched Loving Lamposts the other day which a fellow blogger recommended.  I myself have an Aspie daughter, and I, too, like in the movie went through a phase where I blamed her diagnosis on myself being a young and naïve mother; thinking that I could fix the problem.  I soon came to the realization, though, that my daughter is who she should be and perfect in her own way and therefore should not be forced to think and act in a certain way just because it is the majority’s way.  Being a minority doesn’t mean that one is wrong, just different.

My daughter and my oldest boy at a Lichterman Nature Center

I haven’t heard of or looked much into the term neuro-diverse which is mentioned in the movie as a more appropriate way to label children on the autism spectrum; this word being similar to calling those of average nature a neuro-typical, because they are typically like the majority of the population.

Well, the more that I watched the movie the more I could relate to those considered neuro-diverse.

Now, I have never been diagnosed with any mental disorder besides depression at various times (and maybe could get a few more if I was completely honest with myself), but many of their thoughts and feelings were not far from mine.

One man mentions that he has spent the majority of his life feigning to be like everyone else at the expense of his own happiness, and just how stressful that lifestyle is.  If he doesn’t pretend, like most of us know but may not like to admit, he would endure ridicule and mockery for not fitting in properly.

This is the type of stuff my daughter has tremendous anxiety over.  She spends more time and effort in just trying to be typical then just investing in her own passions and having fun.  I love it when she brings a friend home that will sit for hours and play with her polly pockets.  She at 11 would do this above any amount television watching or talking on the phone.

My lovely daughter holding my youngest boy.

So, to me there is not much difference then those who probably live a “typical” life, but are just more adept at keeping their quirks hidden, or maybe just care a bit more about having them found out.

I, for example, was not too keen at spotting social clues about the acceptable things while growing up.  I was always more interested in learning new stuff (I spent countless hours reading the encyclopedia).  I never dressed properly or wore my hair right, and I always said the wrong things at the wrong times.  I was normally the butt of jokes, but to me I think I learned to laugh at myself rather quickly and continued to chuckle it off, or store it deep down…this may be the source of all my rage about societal issues.  My sisters (three of them) and classmates never failed to point out all my quirkiness, but I never thought in any way that I was different or strange.  I just saw it as tough love, and maybe character development on the worst of days.  For all I knew people may have looked at me like a freak, but I never got the message, I was too interested in creating my own world, yet I was also never labeled by a doctor as different either.

One autistic woman in the movie, who utilizes a text to speech program for correspondence is very fluent when typing yet has difficulty expressing herself verbally.  I can promise you, if you ever met me in person I will not have much to say in the hopes of not sounding stupid.  This is the same reason the woman didn’t like using speech and instead preferred typing.  For me, I have a phenomenal memory, but I don’t recall very easily when speaking and find it difficult to formulate responses quickly so I remain “shy”.  If I am allowed to write, though, it is as if the words just flow through my fingertips.  These text to speech programs have completely changed the way that we look at some who where thought once to have been mentally retarded, because they did not talk.  Now, that proper test can be conducted these seemingly unintelligent people have exceptional IQ’s and personalities to boot.

I have begun to take the same approach with my daughter who does have a diagnosis, and yet isn’t that much different from her peers (besides some of those same things that were noticeable in me as a child).  Many adults don’t see any difference in her compared to the others.  It was damned difficult to get special services at school in the beginning, because she wasn’t a “trouble maker” or disciplinary issue.  This is of course was because instead of outwardly blaming others for her difficulties, she internalizes the turmoil and blames herself.  This is similar for other girls with autism who usually do a good job of hiding their problems.  Boys tend to show outward signs of dealing with all the chaos that can swirl around inside of them.

My perspective is completely different about children on the spectrum and once I started treating my daughter as an equal and allowed her to formulate a response then she is very bright and hilarious.  She has much more confidence in herself and has excelled even more in becoming her own person.  The more that we approach her like this the more comfortable she feels to peek out of her shell and interact with those around her.

I think we as a society probably need to start changing our perspectives and then teach this stuff to our children.  Please, Please uphold in children respect along with many of the other lost virtues…(which is another post all together relating to a birthday girl’s slumber party).

I leave you with a really awesome documentary trailer:

My eldest boy, niece, and daughter playing in a small spillway (I may help contribute to the weirdness factor a bit)

Blogging to continue or contain the insanity…

Can you grow another pair of eyes? or hands? or completely clone youself?

Writing, I conclude, must be because I am too shy to say what I want to people’s faces so I just write this stuff down and sit on it.  Publishing bits in a blog sort of puts it out there with no real guarantee that anyone is going to actually see the stuff, which soothes my shy side a bit and yet someone may still see it.  This is okay with me, though, because I have found that writing no matter how great or small is still very therapeutic and I definitely need some therapy both physical and mental.

I haven’t published in a week or so, for one because I got kind of depressed, which happens a bit (hence the need for therapy) and the other reason is that I just take on way too much stuff at one time.  My mind thinks that I am super human when my body in all actuality is in the worst shape in my entire life.

I am battling the daily aches and pains brought on by my body attacking itself (Systemic Lupus Erythematosus) along with malnutrition from years of gluten intolerance and dead intestinal cilia.  This little fact is the tragic consequence that recently got me on a gluten-free diet, that and the real chance that I could eventually need a colostomy bag (Thanks Laura for that mental picture).  My husband, once learning about the colostomy bag said “Hello, meet my wife, oh that smell?…don’t worry that is just her colostomy bag because she couldn’t stop eating bread.”  After that little comment I was determined to give up all my favorite things.  I really love him so I wouldn’t want him to have to have sex with a colostomy bag.

So, I am slowly nursing my body back to health and yet can’t stop thinking that I am worthless and need to take on yet another task to show that I am a capable human being.  I think this mostly stems from my mom always telling me and my siblings that we were ungrateful children and couldn’t half-tail do anything (she didn’t curse).

I promise to try to post on here every few days, but between my health, volunteering, art, and children it may be more like weekly, which isn’t too bad since every other blogger post just about every day and between work and whatever ever else you do who has the time to read that many blogs every day?  I can’t keep up with the ones that I like.  I don’t even check my facebook that much.  I’m not really sure how anybody works who can keep all those virtual things like tumblr and tweeting updated, maybe I should reinstate my android, but that just adds to ill health and I am trying to make myself better, so I back down.