A Wandering Soul

A Wandering Soul…

I love to wander.

I love to wander through thoughts which ponder
of experience and understanding
of the many possibilities.

Wander through things that are imaginable
because I have had the ability and seen
and had the ability and did

and wander through things that are unimaginable
that only peek through bits and pieces
small gestures and fragments minutely perceivable

I love to imagine all the multitude of possibilities
and then to know that I still cannot fathom it all…

This understanding pushes me to wandering more
wander through the thoughts of others
not just in present day

but to travel into the past
to experience the lives
to imagine the exasperation
to feel the emotions of times before
yet ever so present

I love wandering through my gratuitous thoughts
things that come freely with experience
many memories of that which I have lived

My thankfulness of the language that humans have created
My gratefulness for the humans whom created the tools which recorded it
…and for the many hours spent and lifetimes used to document and record
so that I may wander this vast universe of possibilities

Thanks be to so many humans
throughout so many ages
influenced by so many cultures and ways of lifetimes
…for the thoughts of which I love to wander.


Serendipitous Blessings – #Blesstival 2016


photo via quotesgram.com

My mother and father divorced when I was 9 years old. This is the same age my father was when his mother lost her battle with cancer. Within the first year after the loss of his mother, my father also lost a brother to drowning and his grandmother to old age. Not long after these losses my father’s other siblings left home, and he being the baby was left to survive this devastating string of events with an emotionally and psychologically unstable father.

My father was never equipped to create and raise 3 girls, let alone 2 step children along with a wife who had untreated thyroid problems that caused a whole slew of psychological trauma on its own.

I am not real sure how we as children survived much of this. Thankfully, none of my siblings lost their lives, but we were all disturbed none the less.

We were, however, blessed with the presence of a man who walked into our loves so simply serendipitous. My mother was eating by herself at a restaurant one morning and was approached by a young man asking for a cigarette. This young man was accompanied that morning by his uncle who had noticed the petite woman dinning alone. He didn’t care if she had a cigarette or not, he really just wanted to know more about her.

Within a few months my mother and this man would be married in the living room of our home. She was in a mint green dress and he in slacks and a button down. It would make a third marriage for the both of them. Last summer they celebrated their 23rd anniversary.

In a few days, this man turns 56 and I have so many life lessons attributed to his sweet and kind spirit. He taught me not only how to play chess and to cast a fishing line, but he also taught me that among the chaos of life there are still waters.

I do not know much about where he came from and how it was that he made his way into our lives, but he was the bastion of hope that our family needed. He may not have been my biological father, but he was father to me in so many ways. I am so thankful for his being in my life and my family’s life.

He was the age I am now when he was given the choice by my mother to take on a family or move on. He chose the hard path, and he walked into a damaged home filled with broken hearts and managed to patch some things up by setting a good example.

I often contemplate where my life would be without his guidance and acceptance. He was the memory in the back of my mind that allowed me to see the good in the world. When my heart was broken by detestable men, I had the hope there were good men out there because of his representation.

I owe him so much for showing up in our lives and maintaining a place in our hearts, and for all of the effort and love that he put into my growth as a being. Just knowing the struggles he faced as a surrogate father encourages me to push forward when things get difficult in my own life.

I was and still am truly blessed by his presence in my life, and my wish as we begin our journey into 2016 and beyond is that others receive such a great blessing in their lives as well.


This post was created as part of a Blog Blesstival created by Sophia’s Children.  I would like to thank Jamie for opening up the windows for these blessings to be brought forth.

A vaccine against magic

Just as a cautious businessman avoids tying up all his capital in one concern, so, perhaps, worldly wisdom will advise us not to look for the whole of our satisfaction from a single aspiration. -Sigmund Freud

We are the thing that creates change.

A vaccine against magic.

The long road of life…

The road may be long, but it is also filled with many sites.

The road may be long, but it is also filled with many sites.

“To summon angels is one thing. To be an angel is another. The latter will get you and the world far more mileage. The earth is not a place where angels thrive. It is a training ground to become one.”



Getting Lost in the Experience

april 003

My helper as I work on a wedding topper. He lets me know if I’m doing a good job, and when it is lunch time.

I spend my work day with my 3 year old, so the majority of my adult conversations are held with me, and when one talks to herself for long enough she quickly gets into “that” category.  You know the category of thoughts that question everything around you.  Questions about society and the way things are set up socially.  The “rules” one must follow to be considered normal on the saneness scale.

For instance, the thoughts that the majority of a human’s expenditure of energy is put forth on cleaning the insides of their homes and dressing up the exteriors; that is if they don’t work so much that they just pay someone else to put forth this expense so they can spend ever more time working to make the money to pay for the help, or they are just lazy.  Now, I’m not thinking about Better Homes and Gardens dressing up, just plain old cut-the-grass, weed-the-beds, pick-up-whatever-the-wind-blew-in kind of stuff.  Then if you are one of those who cherish the lushly green turf without a spot of “weeds” aka ‘natural fauna’ then you have more expenditure.

Weeds vs. TurfI think about all those poor weeds that never had a chance with all their pretty miniature flowers…they get killed and washed away with some harsh chemicals so that the uniform grass can take over with all of its spring death and dullness.  Does anyone entertain the thought about where these chemicals go once the rain washes them away?  I think about it every time I see one of those guys ambling through a yard spraying the green stuff on a neighor’s lawn.  A lawn that a kid might crash his bike into and land on which in turn covers his clothes and shoes where touched.

The river being referred to by this sewer drain is the Mighty Mississippi or as we like to call him Old Man River

The river being referred to by this sewer drain is the Mighty Mississippi or as we like to call him Old Man River

That poor aquatic fauna never saw it coming.  I wonder how many vegans only care about directly effecting animals and ignore the indirect suffering they may cause?  Does not the extraction of oil for gasoline and all those nice plastic things decimate animal populations?  Do vegans not drive cars or talk on cell phones because the production of these things would cause distress to animals?

I wonder how much time is spent cleaning in different tribes around the world or how much my ancestors cleaned theirs and others homes.  I try to keep my home clean, but I would also love to spend time with my children outside exploring ideas and experiences.  Society was set up the way that it is when I was born, so I must spend the extra-time either paying for someone to keep a standard or keep the standard myself so that I am not ostracized by a group of which I am supposed to be a part.  Why do I want to be part of their group?  Why do I want them to accept me?

I hold expectations of others in my group as well.  I expect that people would only present themselves in public places fully clothed.  I do not wish to see pajama pants at the grocery store.  Then I wonder, do they get in their bed with those clothes that they have walked around in all day?  How often do they clean their sheets? Do they have breathing problems or trouble sleeping? Do they know that if they didn’t unnecessarily use all those harsh chemicals then they wouldn’t be bringing them into their enclosed homes and rubbing them all over their carpets and sheets and breathing them in for 7 hours every night?

They could be so much more comfortable and healthy if it was socially acceptable to actually tell people these things to their faces and if they were actually open enough to accept advice from someone in their community.  Community…that’s a word that has been redefined in our society.

Community should be the knowing that one is amongst others who will help and guide them.  It is innate in the human to seek validation for their existence; for humans to want to be accepted as part of a group.  Humans want to seek out the emotions that make them feel good.  It could be the feeling that they are needed which makes them happy.  The feeling that they made someone laugh which brings laughter into their hearts.  The thought that they helped make someone’s life that much more grand with their show of love.

There are also those that seek validation of their own greatness.  The one that seeks to be on top at the expense of making their colleague look like a fool.  The one that would rather get the pat on the back then save the jobs of thousands.

To each his own…the darkness is that which defines the light and without light there would not be darkness.

This is about how I explain it, because I feel as though I can’t do anything to change it.  It is much easier this way, and sometimes going with the flow is your only choice…or is it?

The curiosity is still there under all the rubble of adulthood

Self-Defense Is a Weird Argument for Owning a Gun.

This one got down to the nitty-gritty and never once mentioned something that tugs at the heartstrings like oh so many others. We need deeper thought into issues in America and so many have other things they would like to do to occupy their precious hours than thinking deeply about pressing issues.

I had to re-blog this because it struck with me and below I have added my comment to the discussion.

I just started reading a book about memory and this syncs with it. We need to be able to question things and discuss them. If we can no longer question then we loose a bit of our humanity; our child like quality.

I do not think they just want to feed the cobras. I think they do feel as though if they don’t win then they will have the cobras taken, as well as their own and they didn’t do anything wrong.

The argument is really, “Do you understand where I come from?” They just want to be heard and have their rights. They feel the need to defend themselves against those who would blame their ideals or beliefs on such atrocities. They are only human and somehow are being treated as their beliefs are responsible for deaths. It is a human tendency to want to fit in and having one relate with you is a quick fix to that want.

I don’t walk around all day with a cell phone. I quit smoking three years ago so that I don’t get cancer in 30 years, so I disconnected my cell phone two years ago for the same reason, payed the cancellation fee, and walked away, but when I tell this to people they begin the same questioning. What would you do if your car broke down; wouldn’t you want one then? They feel threatened that somehow my belief is threatening theirs.

I understand that some people feel the need to have the things with them that may be needed just in case of an emergency, but really the argument is about defending ones right to have a belief or ideals in the first place without them coming into question.